My getting more organized lately has been part of an 'identity' crisis - I have been pondering my purpose/mission/goals/etc lately and have not gotten far. See, I used to be the kind of gal who would get lots of things done, who was on this committee and that committee, organizing events left and right. You know the type...seemingly, almost annoyingly, on top of things to a T.
Well, I am definitely NOT on top of things anymore. For awhile I thought it was because of an incident that occured back in the spring of 2007. But now that's been 3 years, so I can't blame that anymore. Then I was thinking it was because of the new little guy in our clan. But he's 20 months old now, so I can't blame it on him anymore either. I've run out of things to put the blame on and am left only with myself. That is never good - or fun, for that matter. Because then the questions start....
So am I just getting older and wiser and know how to better discern what I should be doing? Or am I getting lazy and that's why I don't do as much as I used to?
Have I turned into this shy, scared person or am I just leary of opening up to people because of past hurts done to me?
Who am I becoming? Who do I WANT to become?
Why do I feel so off-kilter still?
How can I get back to how I was....or should I even be trying to do that? I certainly don't want to be like the star quarterback from high school still trying to live out the glory days 20 years later. haha
How can I BEST use my gifts/talents for the Lord? How can I BEST serve in my home, church and community? I only have so much time...
What do you do when the questions attack you? Do you talk it out with someone close to you or to lots of different people? Do you retaliate with the promises of God? Do you just ignore them and plug ahead, losing yourself in the busyness of each day?
It's hard to find identity in this phase of life, I think. Especially for those of us who don't really "work" outside of the home much. It's easy to get lost in the diapers, the school schedule, the Sunday morning church and Wednesday night Awana....the whole list goes on. Sometimes we become our schedules and not ourselves. It's hard. I think the best thing we can do is invest in the Word. Then invest in our family, but then, we need, need, need to invest in each other. Reach out to friends, reach out to other people in the body of Christ. I have just been thinking how I can become like an island: just me. And it gets lonely. It's good to be reminded that we are needed in relationships with other women, with other believers. I have been struggling with that lately too, I hear you...
ReplyDeleteThanks for the shout-out Kristin! I definitely suffer from long bouts of island-itis. haha
ReplyDeleteMy prob is that after investing in the Word and in my family, I end up with not as much time as I'd like to invest in others. My fam must be high-maintenance or something!!?? I also have many extended family members who all live here in SF and end up taking some of my time that could be spent on other relationships (if family wasn't so close by). I guess that's the trade-off maybe? If you have family around, you're busy with them and if you don't, you actually have a chance at a social life? haha ;)
The whole shifting blame concept keeps ringing in my head, meaning I can relate. Almost a couple of years ago now God started dealing with me about having a schedule for our family, since I homeschool. Don't you know that musicians hate being tied down to a schedule because it makes us feel stifled in our creative nature? My sister-in-law says they do more of a routine. Switching to a routine verses a schedule really helped me feel much less stressed and driven by the clock while still getting everything done. Since we're in summer now I am feeling the need to give us more of a routine just because I'm finding that I get to all my responsibilities when we follow the routine during the school year. God enables us to do what we are called to do! :)
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