Walls

Have you ever played Minecraft?  I admit I have...only because I'm a really cool mom. Seriously, I've played it a bit the last few years and am thankful I took the time to bond with my kids in this way.  But no worries, friend, I realize this in no way makes me cool among any group of people. haha

In case you haven't had the chance to play this awesome time-sucking game, I'll explain it very briefly.  The whole world is made of blocks.  The ground, the trees, and anything you build is made of 1x1 blocks.  If you want to build something, you need to gather the blocks (either by mining cobblestone, chopping trees, digging dirt, etc) and then build your object (ex: a house) one block at a time. There's more to it than that (which is why it's so addicting and great for developing creativity) but that's the big picture.  There are shortcuts to getting the building supplies (you can "gliche" things) but there's no shortcuts for the actual building process.  Each block has to be placed where you want it.  By placing ONE BLOCK. AT. A. TIME.  My son is a pro wall builder.  He can get things built at a speed that makes my brain (and thumbs) hurt just watching him.

I, on the other hand, am a pro wall builder in a different way.  I can erect emotional walls to protect myself from the outside world faster than any Lego Master Builder (yes, I have 4 kids...this is my world of expertise right now...Legos & Minecraft haha).  

Everyone has these imaginary walls to protect us from hurts, don't we? And they take time to build; most of them don't happen overnight. They are built brick by brick, hurt by hurt. We build them up little by little and if we're not careful we let them get too tall. Then they start to hurt us because they're also holding those hurts, that pain, in and not letting it escape. Being trapped within our walls is not good; studies have shown it can even make us physically sick!

I admit it's scary thinking about these walls coming down. Without them we are exposed, vulnerable. We are REAL. It can be frightening being real with people, showing them who we are, what our burdens are, what we're afraid of. We might get hurt again. Or completely rejected. But if we're not being REAL with the people in our life, we're not really living. He has created each of us to carry out His purpose in a way no one else can.

We're holding back who we are, holding back who God made us to be.

Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)

For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.

Have you built up walls to protect yourself?  Played emotional Minecraft stacking the blocks one by one until you are so protected from the outside world you're actually hurting yourself?  Take one small step today to be more real with someone. Tear down just one brick.   Reach out to someone for help.  God will help you no matter how buried behind walls you are - He is with you there.  

He is with you now.  He is with you always.  

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

And once you've moved a few bricks and are able to see outside your walls, you will find there are people around you who care, people who love you and who will also help you.  Don't be one who falls alone...

Eccelsiastes 4:9-10, 12

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.  If one person falls, the other can reach out and help.  But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.  A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer.  Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

What do you need to do today to tear down a brick in your emotional walls and be more REAL with those around you?

Blessings,

A Day of Rest

The weekend is here!  I'm not going to be making a habit of posting on Saturdays, but today is different.  My DH is gone and it's a certain time of the month, so I'm not going to work as hard as I normally would on a Saturday.  And I'm not even going to feel the least bit guilty about it (okay, maybe an eentsie weentsie bit) because today is H - O - T and I'm low on iron/energy AND I have worship team tomorrow morning where I'll get to wake up EARLY and drag 3 kids to church by myself because the sleepover at Grandma's has been cancelled due to Grandma being sick. 

So today is a day of rest.  Well, kind of.

I am catching up on some computer work that has patiently been waiting for me to attend to. 

I am constantly giving thanks that our air-conditioning is working, and working well I might add.  It's a hot 94 here with plenty of humidity for SD.

I have already gotten a wonderful nap while my little guy was taking his snooze. 

I am looking forward to the fun the 'big kids' and I have planned for the evening.  And, I'm planning on having everything in order for an early night to bed in preparation for our busy morning tomorrow. 

Exodus 31:15 NIV

For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of rest, holy to the LORD.

God has commanded us to take a day of rest.  A day to remember all that He has done for us.  A day to rest from the work we've just completed during the past week.  A day to rejuvenate our bodies in preparation for what is to come in the week ahead. 

It's hard to sit still when you've been TOLD to, isn't it?  I have a child who, even at 8, has trouble sitting still most of the time.  She'll probably use that energy to get alot accomplished as she grows up.  She's like her dad in that way.  Then of course there's the 20 month-old in our house.  Every kid that age has trouble sitting still!  haha
 
But God has commanded we take time to rest.  He even provided an example for us very early in His Holy "How To" Manual...

Genesis 2:2-3 NIV
By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work.  And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.

So even though we're used to going, going, going....trying to be multitasking maniacs who try to tackle the world with our to-do lists, we're supposed to stop.  Take a breath.   A long breath.

And rest.

Spending time reflecting on our holy God and what He has done for us in the past week.  Spending time talking to our Abba Father who cares for us and loves us completely and crazily. 

What do you do on your day of rest?  How do you spend some extra time with God? 

I've read stories of people who spend most of the day in prayer and study. 

I know many people who gather together in time of worship and encourage each other in their struggles, trials, and temptations of daily walking with Him.

I know of men who commit to getting the lawn mowed on one of the other 6 days of the week. 

I know of women who commit to not shopping AT ALL on the Lord's day - no matter how good of a sale it is.

I know of businesses who close their doors because the thought of bringing in an income on the Sabbath revolts them.



What do you do on your day of rest?

How do you spend some extra time with your God?

Thankful

Believe it or not, I am thankful. Maybe from my last two posts you could be led to think I'm not. But I am. And extremely so.

Today I'm thankful for the glimpse God gave me of what He has in mind for me - of my purpose (beyond being Wife & Mom-extraordinaire). It was only a small blink of an instant in the midst of my wonderful afternoon of adult conversation with a bunch of beautiful ladies. But that was enough. 

Enough to excite me to continue down the path He has been leading me on recently.  And now He has brought me to the point where I feel like I am on the brink of something - obviously I'm not sure what yet, but that's how it works, isn't it? haha Kind of like when you're about to get to the edge of a deep canyon.  You know the view will be awesome once you get there and look down.

But you have to actually get up TO the edge to see this breath-taking view. You have to take the risk. Push the envelope....or, push your toes up to where they don't really want to go.

What if the edge gives way? Oh my! Or what if I trip on something (or, better yet, on nothing but air) on my way TO the edge and down I tumble.  You don't ever see THAT on Funniest Home Videos do you???

I am not usually a 'stand on the edge' kind of person. No way. I play it safe. What if that edge did give way? What if I did trip?  Cuz I've tripped before you know.  On nothing.

So God is stretching me...pulling me out of my comfort-zone.  Pulling me past the 'what ifs'.  And for that I am thankful.

Pull, God, pull.

Take me to the place I haven't been able to find on my own - to where I can see the beauty You have waiting for me.

who AM i? Part 2

My getting more organized lately has been part of an 'identity' crisis - I have been pondering my purpose/mission/goals/etc lately and have not gotten far. See, I used to be the kind of gal who would get lots of things done, who was on this committee and that committee, organizing events left and right. You know the type...seemingly, almost annoyingly, on top of things to a T.

Well, I am definitely NOT on top of things anymore. For awhile I thought it was because of an incident that occured back in the spring of 2007. But now that's been 3 years, so I can't blame that anymore. Then I was thinking it was because of the new little guy in our clan. But he's 20 months old now, so I can't blame it on him anymore either. I've run out of things to put the blame on and am left only with myself. That is never good - or fun, for that matter. Because then the questions start....

So am I just getting older and wiser and know how to better discern what I should be doing? Or am I getting lazy and that's why I don't do as much as I used to?

Have I turned into this shy, scared person or am I just leary of opening up to people because of past hurts done to me?

Who am I becoming? Who do I WANT to become?

Why do I feel so off-kilter still?

How can I get back to how I was....or should I even be trying to do that? I certainly don't want to be like the star quarterback from high school still trying to live out the glory days 20 years later. haha

How can I BEST use my gifts/talents for the Lord? How can I BEST serve in my home, church and community? I only have so much time...

What do you do when the questions attack you? Do you talk it out with someone close to you or to lots of different people? Do you retaliate with the promises of God? Do you just ignore them and plug ahead, losing yourself in the busyness of each day?

who AM i? Part 1

FINALLY...I am getting on here to write a post! In my lackadaisical writing, I have at least noticed a pattern - I think of something to write about, talk it out in my head, and then never take the time to sit down and write it out. If I'd posted all the things I'd thought of in the last two weeks, I would definitely have more than '2' posts for June at this point. Needless to say, I have developed quite a respect for those who blog regularly. :) I wonder if they make Metamucil for blogging? Then maybe I'd be more regular.... haha

I have been trying to get more organized lately. Yes, me getting more organized. Those who know me well might say I am a 'BO', or Born-Organized as the Flylady calls it, and that I don't need to get "more" organized. Well, let's just say being married to a not-naturally-organized man for 15 years has had an effect on me. He's rubbed off on me a bit and I'm not nearly as organized as I used to be. AND, in all honesty, I am only 'mostly organized'...there are things I'm great at organizing and then there are things I have trouble getting/staying organized with. For example I've always struggled with paper things...where to put this, where to put that, and golly, if it's really important I better leave it in this pile here so I don't forget about it. If I put it away in a folder it could become a victim of "Out of sight, out of mind" and not get paid on time, dealt with on time, filed in the right place. I've also become more of a 'I'll put it here for now and deal with it later' kind of person....and that's thanks to Rick-o. Happy Anniversary honey!! haha

Anyway, I've been reading "Secrets to Getting More Done in Less Time" by Donna Otto and found the most interesting concept in there. She had me write down my priorities...things only I, Amy, could do. Here they are:

- I alone am responsible for my relationship with God.
- I alone am responsible for who I am. I have to provide myself with the intellectual and spiritula stimulation to become all that I can be.
- I alone can be Rick's wife. Other people will be his friends, his colleagues, his teachers but I am the only one who can love and care for him as his wife.
- I alone can be A, B, and S's mother. Other people will influence their lives, but only I can give them a mother's love and care and thereby fulfill my responsiblity to them.
- I alone can manage my household. I might have a housekeeper or a husband who helps around the house. Nevertheless, I am ultimately responsible for managing my household.
- I alone can be Joan's daughter, Kris' sister, and other relationships to family members.
- I alone can take care of the books for the clinic. No one else can do my job for me - it is my responsibility to see that the clinic isn't losing money because of late bills, employees, etc.

I found this very helpful...to refocus on what only I can do. It is so easy to get distracted with or pulled away by the many other things that need doing - do you struggle with this as well? But there are things OTHER people can do; things that I don't absolutely need to do. In the past, when I found myself having to decide on adding something new to my 'plate' of responsibilities, I would remember my saying 'yes' to the something else was saying 'no' to another thing (and that usually ended up being our family or my responsibilities at home - is it that way for you too?). So now I can think of saying 'no' to new opportunities that may come my way as me in actuality saying 'yes' to my list of priorities.

I challenge you to make a list of priorities...things only YOU can do. And then, to remember that list the next time you're tempted to seek out recognition through your accomplishments, seek fulfillment through a social life, or seek to prove you're 'Super-Woman' by adding one more responsibility to your already overloaded plate.

To Be Continued... (hopefully sooner than later)

Summer has begun...

I guess I've slacked off a bit in my blogging! Either that, or I wasn't sure what my blog's purpose should be once my worship class ended so I haven't written anything in my perfectionistic procrastination. So here's what I've been up to...

May flew by due to end of the school year activities AND because I was watching six years of LOST. I hadn't watched a single episode until the end of April when I watched the first two and got hooked! I was leisurely watching an episode here and there until I read on Hulu that they were only going to be posting season 6 on the site until May 23rd when the finale aired - then they were only going to post the last 5 episodes of this season. Well, to make a short story long....my penny-pinching kicked in and I decided I didn't want to have to PAY to watch this thing so I better ramp things up a bit. I started watching LOST while I was ironing, exercising, working on the computer, you name it. Watching episode after episode actually made it an interesting experience for me - it was like a good book I couldn't put down.

I did get through all the episodes before the finale aired on May 23rd - and then I watched that one live. One thing to say, I don't watch much TV, much less 'live' and so I was reminded of how annoying commercials are! Hulu isn't kidding when they say 'limited commercial interruptions'. haha

I've had people ask what I thought of the finale. Idealistically, it would have been nice to have some of the questions answered, to have the loose ends all neatly tied in a bow. But, realistically....this is a TV show. And not a 'reality' TV show. One that people came up with out of creativity and imagination. So yes, I was slightly bummed about all the loose ends hanging around but I was also just glad to be done watching LOST and ready to get on with my life again. I'm thankful I didn't have to spread it out over 6 years and have to wait weeks in between the cliff-hanger endings they custimarily used. Like I said, I don't watch much TV and I'll also say I don't read much fiction (it's been 7 years since I read a fiction book of any type). I guess this show must have filled some void for TV and fiction - and now I'm set again for another 7+ years. :) Overall, it was a well-executed show with great acting and storyline(s). But I'm not going to waste any more time analyzing it...especially since it's been analyzed to death online enough already!! haha

We are in the thick of summer-ness now. The 2 1/2 weeks the kids have been out of school have flown by! We've been to Norwegian Camp at Augustana College, spent scorching days out by the pool in the backyard, slept over at Grandma and Grandpa's house, had friends over and been over to friends, gone for bike rides, and even had a picnic at the park. We've also struggled to practice piano, dawdled at bedtime, argued with our sibling, and complained about doing chores. Overall, a regular summer with lots of precious (and not so precious) moments! But I do know enough to cherish the precious moments because all too soon the kids will be too busy during the summer to be around and I'll find myself missing them and even the 'not so precious' moments.

1 Timothy 4:12

1 Timothy 4:12
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

I'm limiting myself to only 15 minutes to do this post, so forgive me for my briefness. :)

How often do we read these words of Paul and take them to heart to mean that we are supposed to be bold to those who are older than us? And then how often do we miss the message he also meant, to not look down on those younger than us? We are supposed to allow ourselves to be 'iron sharpening iron' by speaking truth to those older than us, but we're supposed to also be open to the truths spoken TO us by those younger than us.

How are you doing this in your walk with God and fellowship with other believers?

Why is forgiving so hard??

Why is it so much harder to forgive when older women hurt us? I don't know what it is, maybe it's because I think they should know better because they're older. Or I forget that they are sinners just like me.....or, something. Any ideas?

So, to save you younger ladies a lot of pain I'll just claim right now that I don't always know what's best. I'm not perfect and shouldn't be viewed as such. I am a 'work-in-progress' too and most of the time feel like I'm taking 2 steps forward and 3 steps back, just like you. I apologize now for any hurt I may cause you because it is most definitely not intentional! If I could save you from having to repeat lessons I've learned, I would. If I could protect you from the hurt I've experienced, I would. But it doesn't work that way. God designed it so that while I'm sharpening you, you're sharpening me. He's not done with me just like you feel He's not done with you. Please forgive me AND confront me when I'm not listening to the Word you're speaking into my life! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Colossians 3:12
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Did I just answer my own question?? haha Well, I suppose my hangup is never hearing something like this from an older woman (other than Nancy Leigh DeMoss in her online radio ministry) in real life. Freud would say it was because my dad never apologized when he was wrong, so now as a result I have a hangup when people older than me don't apologize when they're wrong. Whatever Freud....I'm just going by what the Bible says!